I think I need this again

I haven't blogged in about two years.  I used to blog for several reasons - it was fun to record my kids' antics, it was cathartic, I am a chronic "sharer", and I craved my mom's commentary on my life.  Now, my mom is gone.  And I'm having a hard time coming to grips with that.  Counselors have suggested envisioning my grief and physical pain floating away bit by bit to be carried away from me.  They've also suggested journaling.  I keep meaning to write in my journal and it hasn't happened yet.  So I'll write here.  Maybe my experience will be helpful to others.  Or maybe my chronic sharing it's rearing its head.  Either way, tonight this feels right.

My last post seemed overly dramatic after a while.  My mom continued to live a relatively pain free, normal life for many more months.  In fact, she lived for over two years after her cancer diagnosis.  She'd been told to expect 2-6 months.  After several months of basically normal life, I started to believe my mom was going to live forever!  Even so, I tried to take lots of photos, just in case.

Spring 2015, my mom forced herself to attend a concert at the kids' school even though she felt pretty miserable

There was always a teensy, quiet voice in the back of my mind, reminding me that my mom might die one day.  But I always told it to be quiet, that I'd deal with that when the time came.  And until then, I would enjoy the time we had left.  And then, it all came crashing in so quickly.  It's been a little over three months since the day my mom died.  But it hurts like it was yesterday.  The grief counselor said that journaling will help me to see, when I look back, that things have improved.  I hope so.  I desperately hope so.