Two steps forward, one step back

I haven't blogged in a while.  Sometimes I feel like I have the time and sometimes days and weeks fly by and I wonder how I've ever had time to blog.  But I feel the need tonight.  I'm once again struggling with some aspects of my health.  Thank the Lord that our children are all healthy and Adam's vision is still great.  But I was struggling something fierce the end of last week.  Thank goodness for caring, compassionate family, friends and doctors who helped me quickly.  I'm now on a new plan and I feel loads better than I was but I still don't feel "good".  I had sort of fallen off the bandwagon of helping myself to feel good by doing things like:
  • Thinking positively
  • Counting my blessings
  • Praying throughout the day
  • Getting enough exercise
  • Focusing my energy away from constantly analyzing how I feel and toward the world around me and enjoying the myriad things my blessed life is surrounded with
  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Thinking of trying Qi-Gong (I think that's how you spell it)
But I am back on the bandwagon and trying to feel positive despite this two steps forward, one step back experience I've been having for the past several months.  If you think the above sounds easy and that a person should just chin-up, pull up their boot straps, and get on with life - I'm learning firsthand just how wrong you are.  This is definitely the most difficult time in my life so far.  One of the worst/hardest parts is knowing just how lucky and blessed I am and feeling extreme guilt for not enjoying my life as I should.  That's enough about that.  Just know that life can be hard but I am proud of myself for continuing to work harder.

Remember the movie, Beethoven?  With the big, slobbery St. Bernard?  The kids and I are having movie night and watching that movie.  The kids are eating popcorn.  I'm full from our salmon, long grain-wild rice, and salad dinner.  Stu is working the time clock at the TCF Bank Stadium tonight for the All-Star football game.  I can't wait to hear how it goes.

It's been said around these parts that Adam is our crazy, wild-child.  That he's maybe even a bit unruly.  But Stu and I know (because we remember not so long ago, another crazy, wild-child who has simmered down as of late) that Adam is just a three year old boy.  That's how they roll.  Plus, when Adam asked me to pick him up after playing in the sandbox in the backyard, and sporting a runny nose, and then planted a big, snotty, dirty smooch on my cheek, any indiscretion was immediately forgiven.

Ryann has learned some serious sass and dirty looks lately and we're working on toning it down a bit.  She's so dramatic sometimes, it's like living with our very own Dr. Jekyll/Ms. Hyde.  One moment, she is super grown up - getting breakfast ready for the whole crew, consoling Adam if he's hurt, telling me how much she loves me and what a great dad Stu is, etc. and the next minute, she's freaking out, sobbing that she's the worst girl ever and should never be allowed to have fun/eat/play/whatever ever, ever again.  We seriously don't know where she comes up with this stuff.

Max is still loving baseball and I'm sure is going to be bummed after next week since the season will be ending.  However, Stu is taking him to the golf course tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. for his very first real round of golf.  Max has hit balls around the yard and gone to the driving range with Stu several times but never played actual golf yet.  I hope he has fun and is not too hard on himself as he is sometimes wont to be.

We plan to visit my sister and brother-in-law in Quincy, IL over the long 4th of July weekend.  I am looking forward to it but with slight trepidation.  One of my many "things" that I struggle with is feeling nervous and guilty bringing my whirlwind of a family into someone else's house.  Especially if those others don't have kids.  However, my sister and brother-in-law love kids and are super understanding so I need to let those feeling go, for this trip, completely!

We're also undertaking a minor bathroom renovation.  And when I say "we", I mean "Stu".  Here is his chronicling of the beginning of the process:




And that's all the excitement around the Stewart house for now.

Comments

Sorry you are having a hard time still. *hugs* You guys have been through a lot this year, so take it easy on yourself. And try not to feel guilty this weekend. I am sure they love having you and the kids there!!

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