Silly Things Small Stewarts Say
Here are some more jotted notes from a torn-off calendar page.
This first one isn't really that funny like "ha-ha" more like funny in the "that's so wacky that a child would even think to say something like that" kind of way...
Max: "Mom, some people can't award (translation: afford) food. But they can award (translation: afford) guns, so why don't they just shoot some deer to eat?"
Ryann: ....ok, this one needs some prefacing...so Ryann has known all the names of her body parts for a while now. For a while there, she was pronouncing her private parts as "bagina" but lately it's turned into "vachina" or just "china". I sweetly told Stu on Christmas Eve morning that he had an old man hair hanging out of his nose. He went to the bathroom to remedy that situation. When he emerged, his eye was watering and he exclaimed, "Geez, that one must have had one end in China!" Ryann exclaimed, "Daddy! You have a penis!" Stu looked down at her in shock for a moment and then realized what she thought he'd just said. Then he looked at me and I had to bend over and bury my face in the couch pillow to stifle my laughing.
Max: "Mo-om, Ryann forgot to flush!"
Me: "Sorry buddy, that's gross. Could you please flush it for her?"
Max: "Oh, it's not so bad. Most of it is covered with toilet paper."
Me: "Well that's good. That would be yucky to have to look at that."
Max: "But you know what's worse than looking, Mom?"
Me: "What?"
Max: "Smelling!"
Max: "Mo-om, Ryann just said "boobie"!'
Me: "Ryann, why are you talking like that?"
Ryann: "I was just showing Max that Barbie has boobs"
Adam: "Boobs. Boobs. Boobs. Boobs."
Me (under my breath): "Oh great...."
This first one isn't really that funny like "ha-ha" more like funny in the "that's so wacky that a child would even think to say something like that" kind of way...
Max: "Mom, some people can't award (translation: afford) food. But they can award (translation: afford) guns, so why don't they just shoot some deer to eat?"
Ryann: ....ok, this one needs some prefacing...so Ryann has known all the names of her body parts for a while now. For a while there, she was pronouncing her private parts as "bagina" but lately it's turned into "vachina" or just "china". I sweetly told Stu on Christmas Eve morning that he had an old man hair hanging out of his nose. He went to the bathroom to remedy that situation. When he emerged, his eye was watering and he exclaimed, "Geez, that one must have had one end in China!" Ryann exclaimed, "Daddy! You have a penis!" Stu looked down at her in shock for a moment and then realized what she thought he'd just said. Then he looked at me and I had to bend over and bury my face in the couch pillow to stifle my laughing.
Max: "Mo-om, Ryann forgot to flush!"
Me: "Sorry buddy, that's gross. Could you please flush it for her?"
Max: "Oh, it's not so bad. Most of it is covered with toilet paper."
Me: "Well that's good. That would be yucky to have to look at that."
Max: "But you know what's worse than looking, Mom?"
Me: "What?"
Max: "Smelling!"
Max: "Mo-om, Ryann just said "boobie"!'
Me: "Ryann, why are you talking like that?"
Ryann: "I was just showing Max that Barbie has boobs"
Adam: "Boobs. Boobs. Boobs. Boobs."
Me (under my breath): "Oh great...."
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